I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious.
– Albert Einstein
According to the author, “This book started as a graduation speech, and graduation speeches are meant to be grandiose.” While I wouldn’t necessarily call it grandiose, it is philosophical and perhaps a little picturesque in it’s approach to life.
There are a plethora of short-and-sweet books that point to the quaint, well-lived, and fulfilling life that so many of us desire. I’ve reviewed a similar book, The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. There’s also slightly larger books like Love Does by Bob Goff, who is an extremely popular author these days. What are all these books and where are they coming from?
I’ve already said it: there is a basic desire within us to live a simple, fulfilling, even magical life. These books seem to hold that promise before us and so these books fly off the shelves. To tell the truth, I always feel a little brighter, a little more hopeful, and yes, even magical after reading them.
But here’s my question for you.
Are these books worthwhile to read and ponder? Are they compatible or helpful with the Christian life?
I received the book we’re looking at today, Wait, What? And Life’s Other Essential Questions, as a graduation gift when I finished high school. My children’s librarian, who has known me since I was six, gave it to me (thank you Mrs. Kleinsorge!) Now that it’s been four years, I felt it was time to crack the spine. I wasn’t surprised at the content per se; however, as I grow older I become less and less enchanted with these self-help, self-improvement, self-wonder, self-full books.
James Ryan does come with a helpful practice though: the art of asking good questions.
I recently came away from a wonderful two-hour long conversation with a friend in which I marveled at his ability to ask thoughtful, endearing, conversation-enhancing questions. I don’t know how he does it, but he gave me a hint when he mentioned his fascination with people. He finds such great joy in knowing and understanding a person’s heart and what they love and enjoy about life that he can’t help but ask good questions. I came away from that conversation desiring a greater ability to ask the best questions I can to learn more about those around me.
Reading this book, I’ll admit, was in some ways a help in my journey of learning to make conversation (I absolutely stink at conversing, specifically starting and keeping a conversation going . . . oh wait, that’s everything!) But that isn’t necessarily what the author was intending. Ryan gives us five questions to ponder and use, both in our work and personal lives, for the purpose of living a happy and successful life. In his summary from the last chapter, he describes them this way:
- “Wait, what?” is at the root of all understanding.
- “I wonder. . .” is at the heart of all curiosity.
- “Couldn’t we at least. . .?” is the beginning of all progress.
- “How can I help?” is at the base of all good relationships.
- And “What truly matters?” helps get you to the heart of life.
Though not stating this directly, Ryan assumes that if life is truly as important as we make it out to be, then the people we share it with are equally important. What do we do when someone is important? We listen to them and we care about them. Ryan makes it clear that listening after asking a question is fundamental to understanding and loving the people around us.
You shouldn’t be surprised to hear that this is a biblical principle.
In James 1:19 we read, “. . . let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” One of the best ways to foster a better understanding of someone is to ask a question and then stop talking. Crazy, right?! When was the last time you spent a conversation doing the listening instead of the talking?
If you’re hearing crickets, don’t worry, I am too.
The art of asking good questions (and then following them up by listening) is a wonderful way of letting people know you love them and care to know what they think and how they’re feeling. While the author certainly makes this point subtly, his main point is what I already mentioned: that this is how we live a happy and successful life. That is not a biblical principle. In fact, that’s not even a principle that Christians should be trying to live by.
Which leads me to the important point that this is not a Christian book.
It sounds good, it really does. And a valid point is made that we should ask ourselves and others good questions to get to the heart of matters. Is life richer when we ask good questions frequently and intentionally? Absolutely. But we must be careful for our reasoning behind our questions. Read carefully these two quotes from the end of the book.
Feeling beloved is not the sole measure of a life well lived. But I expect that for many of us, leaving this earth feeling loved, cherished, and respected is a worthwhile goal and, in the end, a worthwhile reward . . .
. . . In other words, you alone need to decide what truly matters about your work, your family, your friendships, and how to be kind.
Do these sound like incredibly selfless and others-oriented thoughts as we consider how we approach conversations and the asking of questions? You’re right, I don’t think so either. (Not to mention that the second quote is a development of the question “What truly matters?”, which is only pages after the author explains that asking the question, “How can I help?” puts the power of decision in the other person’s court so that we are not pushing our definition of help and kindness on others. So much for continuity and agreement between points!)
Here is the main problem with these styles of books: while putting forth a seemingly selfless idea of loving big and living well, books like this ultimately come down to a selfish desire for happiness, success, and good feelings. We are not actually the ones to decide what really matters about life. God does that, and He put that forth in His word for us. We are only to read it and live it, not add to it.
Did you notice that at the beginning of this article I said books like this made me “feel” a little brighter, etc? These books frequently revolve around feelings – feeling good, feeling fulfilled, feeling loved, feeling successful. For this reason, this is not a book that I would recommend to my fellow Believers. Perhaps the point of the book is well-made, and even biblical in a sense, but the hashing out and logical conclusion of this book is ungodly, unbiblical, and ultimately unworthy of our attentions.
But what do I recommend?
Read the gospel of Matthew and study Jesus’ interactions with others. When he talks to the Pharisees, he often answers their questions with questions of his own. This causes those listening to think and dwell on the heart of the matter at hand. What about Jesus’ interactions with the sick and hurting? We can learn many things from his gentle and compassionate responses! Even further, how does Jesus deal with the disciples and how does he turn each conversation into an opportunity to teach them a greater understanding of their heavenly Father?
Enjoy your Thursday, dear reading friends. 🙂
