Pamela’s Prayer (1998)
Starring: Serena Orrego, Rick Scheideman, Ted Kuenz
Director: Dave Christiano
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Purity culture gets a bad rap these days. Some flack might be deserved, but some isn’t. Purity, including modesty, has increasingly been left up to each individual to discern and decide for themselves where their lines in the sand are. This has produced a kind of stigma around those who hold purity so dearly due to a rather intense feeling of autonomy when it comes to these types of decisions. As Christians, we all know (or at least we should) where certain lines must be drawn. For instance, personal opinion/feeling aside, sex outside of marriage is always wrong for a Believer. Yet, while we know a basic line that should not be crossed, some Christians (women in particular) become downright vicious should you approach them about their clothing choices and even (dare I say it) their flirtatious personalities.
I have Christian friends with various positions all across the spectrum on the issue of modesty and where the line should be with physical intimacy. All of them are sincere and have made their choices based on a conviction from the Holy Spirit on their heart. As I watched this movie, Pamela’s Prayer, I was struck by many thoughts and principles that I will dive into further down the article, but first let me give you a quick summary of the plot.
The Plot
Wayne’s wife Sarah passes away as soon as she gives birth to their firstborn, Pamela. In the midst of his grief, Wayne turns to the Lord and holds on to his Christian faith. He makes a promise to God to pray with Pamela every single night as long as she is in his house.
As Pamela grows up, we see her mature into her own faith, but she is not without her own struggles. She’s coming of age and many of her friends are going on dates and sitting with young men at school games. Pamela’s father has stricter rules for her than the other girls at school seem to have from their own fathers and this is frustrating to Pamela who wants to have a boyfriend. Is her father really doing this for her own good? Or is he only keeping her from the fun of being a high school girl?
So many thoughts, so little room . . .
Allow me to quickly knock out some thoughts about the making of the movie itself before I get into the “deep stuff.” 🙂
This is not an incredible movie by any means. I am sure it’s a low budget film as many other Christian movies are; however, it does fairly well with the hand it’s dealt. The plot works well and actually impressed me with the amount of content it got through in one hour without rushing matters. Though filmed in 1998, the story begins in 1969 and ends in 1991; however, general culture and trends from the 70s-80s are not part of the plot in any way.
The actress who plays Pamela did a lovely job. Obviously, she was not nominated for any awards; however, in comparison to the rest of the cast she does the best job of being believable and sincere in playing her part. Some lines from other characters feel stiff, ingenuine, and fake at times, but again this is a low-budget film, we can’t expect the moon.
Before I get into the details, I must say, I was touched by the accuracy of how I’m sure many Christian girls (myself included) feel about guys, dating, physical intimacy, and purity. The world has changed a lot since 1998 (when the film was made) but many of the same issues are being thrown at Christian girls today. It felt applicable and relatable; though, as we will discuss, it was not quite as sensitive as it could have been.
What’s so important about intimacy?
Kissing is the main discussion point here. Wayne (Pamela’s Dad) feels that kissing is something to be saved for a spouse and a spouse alone, there is no need to be passing out that portion of physical intimacy before the wedding vows are made. I personally *mostly* agree with this idea. Notice I said mostly . . . Everyone is different and walk separate paths, though we all as Believers are walking a narrow path. Kissing may be a hindrance to some and not to others. That fact is not given much breathing room here; however, for the situation presented, I believe it is wise. Do we need to be kissing boys on the first date when we’re 16 or 17 and not ready to be married? Not at all. I don’t care if you marry him in 2-3 years when you’re both done with high school, why would you need to kiss him now at 16? Perhaps you all were/are more mature at 16, but I could not have kissed someone at that age with pure motives and a God-honoring heart.
Dating and kissing is all around Pamela. Even her best friend (who may or may not be a true Believer) tries to tell her that she’s missing out on so much fun. There’s a great amount of pressure that builds up, and it culminates one night when Pamela decides to directly disobey her father and join a young man at the basketball game on Friday night. Pamela did indeed want to go out with this young man but had held back for a while because of her father’s displeasure. After not-so-subtle guilt-tripping on the young man’s part, however, Pamela does give in and ends up going to the game. He attempts to kiss her when he drops her off at home, but to her credit, Pamela runs inside and confesses everything to her father.
Pamela’s father is a kind and gracious man who forgives quickly; he is also full of godly wisdom and insight. He consoles Pamela when she sees the young man she went out with already moving on to the next girl. He also provides comfort, solace, and godly counsel when Pamela’s best friend succumbs to this young man’s whims and has sex with him. Wayne is a solid example of what a godly father can and should be in these matters.
There is some difficulty I had with some slight hypocrisy in regard to some of the things Wayne says. At one point, in talking with Pamela about waiting for the right young man the Lord has in store, he encourages her to consider who she wants to “lay on the marriage bed” with. Though it is not said this way, he has a discussion with her about the pure versus the practiced. A few times, in this conversation and others, it felt like if you had kissed someone already (let alone slept with them) you were dirtied, sullied, and no longer full of holy potential in marriage like you were when you were pure. This isn’t true for Believers, God offers forgiveness to every man and woman, it is never too late; however, when Pamela’s best friend finds herself on the other side of sleeping with her boyfriend, Wayne is a beautiful example of wisdom, gentleness, and compassion. A wonderful verse is used to explain how Pamela’s friend should respond: John 8:11.
. . . And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.
Despite the subtle tone of legalism behind some conversations, this is an encouraging and strengthening way to respond to sexual sin. In fact, this is how we should (as Believers) respond to all sin. Repentance and confession should be followed by a renewed desire to “go and sin no more.”
Although there are moments that feel legalistic and a little narrow, I was strongly encouraged by this movie. To step back a little bit, Wayne makes an important point about the pure versus the practiced. When singleness is difficult, when all our friends are going out on dates, when we have weddings to attend alone, and when we see social media full to the brim of photos of couples dating, engaged, kissing, holding hands, snuggling cutely on the couch, whatever it may be, looking to God to provide and considering how our decision now may affect us and others later on.
Wayne gives a good example of Pamela’s friend when she kisses other guys. He asks Pamela, “I wonder what her future husband would think of that?” How many times do you ask yourself that when you are texting a young man, or out on a date with someone, or considering sharing your feelings and heart with someone who has not asked you out, or rushing things emotionally or physically with someone you are friends with or dating? It might stop some of us in our tracks and give us pause, and I believe it should.
We take dating and “talking” and all such things rather lightly and cavalierly these days. I have been called old-fashioned by many; in fact, a few of my friends would probably see me in this movie as Wayne (overly concerned about purity and certain boundaries) and themselves as Pamela (potentially oppressed by a father who is overly concerned about something that is considered normal.) However, while this movie is old-fashioned, I appreciate it and believe you should as well. The desire and discipline for purity (both emotional and physical) need to be rekindled amongst the young people and the singles in the church.
To close out, let me give you some points to remember as you consider watching this movie.
1. While this is a movie about purity, there are neat under-tones and subplots of parent-child relationships and peer pressure.
This might be a good option for parents wanting to have conversations with their children about respect and trust in regard to parental decisions. At least once, Wayne tells Pamela that she will have to trust him that he knows what is best for her while she is under his care and protection. This is a hard truth to accept sometimes, especially as a high school student at home, but God calls children to obedience and respect.
Peer pressure is another huge topic for kids. I teach kindergarten through second grade at our church’s weekly Awana program. Let me tell you, even those itty ones feel the pressure to do what’s cool and to get what they want from mom and dad. But God provides all the strength we need to stand up obey Him, even in the small things.
2. Obedience is the best, but there is room for grace in failing, sin, and disobedience.
We discussed this somewhat already, but I think it bears repeating. God gives grace! We do need to note that sin is not to be trifled with. Should we sin that grace may abound? May we say with Paul, “by no means!” Sexual sin especially comes with a high price most of the time: a lack of trust between spouses, uncomfortable conversations between a dating/engaged couple, physical ailments and complications with sexuality later on in marriage, fertility issues, and feelings of guilt are a few things that come to mind.
Our desire should be to remain pure before God and not have to ask for forgiveness for sexual sin but to steer clear away from any such temptation, such as Joseph when he physically ran away from Potiphar’s wife in Genesis 39! Yet, we can be comforted after sin by running to Christ immediately. We do not need to wait and make ourselves “pay” for our own sin, or relish/dwell upon the guilty feelings to make ourselves worthy of repentance and forgiveness. No! We run to God right away, even in the middle of sin, to confess, repent, and ask Him for the strength we need to make permanent changes that will lead us into greater righteousness.
3. Perhaps you find this movie old-fashioned: should you consider why you believe what you do about the interactions between men and women who are single or dating before you draw that conclusion?
Pamela struggles through this herself to a degree and ends up having to experience a little pain and even slander before she realizes that thinking about boys in the way the world does is not beneficial. It is not pleasurable to be considered weird in this area. I would know, even some of my closest friends have told me I need to reconsider my strict beliefs in this area. However, to see this situation played out practically on my TV screen was helpful. Most of what I believe is important in the area of opposite-sex relationships is well-founded.
But, you say, what about just being friends with guys (or girls, if you’re reading this, young men!), is that not permissible? Actually, it is. In fact, we see Pamela become good friends with a young man in the latter half of the movie. It is refreshing and encouraging to see, but I must offer some caution and perhaps a little wisdom.
Ask yourself some questions to get to the heart of the matter, before you decide that being friends with a certain young man or woman is wise.
- What does godly friendship look like?
- What is the purpose of friendship?
- Why do you desire to be friends with this particular man or woman?
Once you’ve answered these questions truthfully and completely it is easier to know how to interact with certain people. Becoming friends with a man or woman will be necessary if we are to ever connect with a potential spouse (thanks Kyles, you’re the smart one for bringing that up!) However, our mindset as we navigate these friendships is important.
We should not look at our guy friends (or girl friends) as potential spouses necessarily. There is certainly a time and a place for the young men to decide if one of their friends is someone they want to get to know on a deeper level to know if they should consider them as a potential spouse; however, for us girls, we have to be so careful how we think about our guy friends. It is wiser to take a step back and guard ourselves than to casually flirt with all of our friends. Pamela and her friend are an excellent example of involving family in opposite-sex relationships, of both sides being open and honest with each stage of a relationship, and of hearts that are focused on God first in all relationships.
To watch or not to watch . . .
I think you get the picture, this is a good movie to watch, particularly as a family if you have older children in the home. There are many things that could be said about relationships between men and women, but that is a heavy topic and I wrote far too much as it is. I am still learning the ropes in this area myself! It is a difficult path to walk at times, but remember the Lord is good and works in every situation for our good and His glory if indeed you have been saved by His grace.
Consider what this movie has to say, and then leave a comment below to tell me your thoughts! We are all different and you may see something in this movie that I didn’t. 🙂
Until next time, go read a book!
